Sometimes compassion grows as we get older. We’ve softened enough that we no longer hurl knife-like words at another’s heart.
Yet it happens.
Life is rich and full and messy.
We can’t always control our circumstances but we can control how we react to them. For a long time it was hard to stand up for myself and insist I be treated like everyone else. I accepted feeling less than. I felt like I needed to be responsible for people simply because they didn’t know how to do it themselves.
But over the past four years that’s changed. Very little has gone as I expected but I’ve learned how to live in a way that works for me.
There’s a difference between allowing the current of life to take you where it will and hurling yourself into raging waters because you want to get the hell out of the place you’re in. One is soft. It allows you time to reflect and act in the best way you can. The other is impulsive and irrational.
Both have their place.
During the past four years I’ve had to confront many of my worst fears and found they were far less fearful than I imagined.
I learned the only job security is to work for yourself.
In fact, security itself is an illusion.
Things can change so quickly. One moment and everything is different.
But I do agree with some of the self-help wisdom that to a great extent, our happiness is dependent on our own choices. And what is happiness? For me, it’s not that exuberant sense of elation where all my senses are heightened. That’s changed too.
Happiness is quieter now. It means no longer needing to fill every spare moment with work or activity. Sometimes it’s enough to just watch the sky change color.